Here I am lying in my hospital bed and I’ve just been told, this is it, I’m not sure how I feel, maybe relieved. This Illness has gone on too long and I have lost any energy I may have had for the fight. When the doctor told me, a very nice girl, she had tears down her cheeks and I ended up telling her that it was all right. I think this is the first time since it began I have been able to feel relaxed and calm. Sitting round the bed is my wife and two children watching me and talking about all the things that had happened today. I do not know if I am interested but I must look like I am for them, they are upset as it is and they will not believe I am content about the news I was given this morning.
So far my life has been full and happy with my wife and children growing up around me. Although I am sad to be leaving them behind I know they will be OK and supported by my own family and friends and also theirs ass well when they are called upon. I know my family are close and will stick together through thick and thin to cope with the good and bad times together.
I am holding my sons hands and telling him that things will carry on without me as normal and he must help his sister to get by being strong and helping his mum when she needs it and act as the man of the house.
The nurse is putting something in my arm and saying it is for the pain and it feels like I am on drugs, it feels good and soothes the pain that has overcome my body for so long. I hope they give me enough drugs to help me through and make me leave this world looking ok and so everything is ok when the times comes to say goodbye, I’ll be on the right track. Everything seems to be becoming distant and blurred, I wonder if this is the time? I don’t know if I am ready yet, I want to say goodbye before I go anywhere. I’m thinking of my own parents and my past like a picture album remembering the good things when I was young. I seem to be going further away and every body is shouting, I wish they would be quiet and let me rest.
All of a sudden everything is clear and I can see my family this makes me feel very happy and I am ready to go. Things are getting dark and I think this might be it, I don’t care as long as it happens straight away and I do not look to silly.
Everything is extremely quite and this is where I find out what really happens at the end.
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